Who can help me get a paper for my ass?

Cirque Danny, how one asks for toilet paper in broken English

When did you people decide that you were gonna claim refracted light as your own? I like rainbows too.

Cory's fight against the Gays for equal rights to rainbows

"Interventions at Gateway are like Bar Mitzvahs to Jewish people.... Everyone's going to get one at SOME point."

KJT

I love cutting people open!!!!

Michelle mimicking Brittany as Brit helps her remove a splinter.

"...so he took off his shirt and slapped me in the balls with it."

Joe Loesch, explaining Cade's reactions on the porch of the Chowder

(with great urgency) "Uh!Uh!Uh! You're tits are hangin out!!!!"

Patty J to Sarah

"Don't be a schnook, read the Book!"

S. O'C on the Bible.

"Hung over? What were you people drinking!?!?! I had tequila!"

The one and only Gale Edwards

"...Long black cock."

Shannon O'Connor

"I'll only be wearing a headset and a bottle of lube"

K. Tighe, on his plans for running Cirque Dreams

"Their evil is seeping into me!!!"

Dede regarding the wardrobe department, seconds after offending her FORMER cohorts in the props department.

" Why are YOU so pissed?!?! I'm gonna be the one doing it."

J Blaze to Brittany regarding the ultra gay adds to the new props for BLONDES.

"Yeahl.... I guess I have eaten my own semen.... And I enjoyed it."

PJ, admitting that it's statiscally impossible not to have tasted your own spunk.

"I've seen mothers lift whole cars because their child is underneath. I think I could take her if I knew that was at the other end of the rainbow."

Kelly Tighe, plotting against our favorite rockette for her boyfriend

"How do you pretend to not be hung over?"

Artistic Director, digging deep at Sunday Morning Dress Parade

"If I were gay - no way."

Paul Allan, about Dan Cooney

"Well... I'd fuck the brains out of Will Smith. But I'd make Love to Wayne Brady."

Shannon, on the difference between her attractions to Will Smith and Wayne Brady.

"Hey, you know what that burp tasted like? .... Absolutely nothing."

C. Kloos on the lack of timely food during the CAI load out.

"But why would a vagina be a taco??"

Michelle Q.'s response to a crude conversation about a Taco Bell taco and Brittany's vagina . . . she didn't get the joke.

"She works for Erin, in the land of lollipops and clouds."

B. Loesch

"I love it when the penis pushes the tempo"

Brittany Fahner

"yes....Yes you are."

Brittany responding to Michelle's proclamation of her own "tool-hood"

"Why won't the lamb stop screaming?!!?"

Olivia.

"You still walking around with that wad in your pants?"

Andyman

"[He] is my personal Vietnam."

KJT about some minor indiscretions in his recent past.

"Really?!?! ONE night of superhero sex and he's bringing you cupcakes?!?!"

Corey observing the sudden control Brittany is able to exercise over Brian.

"...It fuckin stank worse than an anchovie's asshole!"

Patty J's assesment of the male intern suite.

"...toasting..."

A very content Andy.

"...Um, I don't know if you've realized this yet, but there's pretty much no downhill between us."

Spencer responding to Jose's tyrant-like demand to go get him food.

"You're a fucking dude! You should piss your pants the way John Wayne would!"

Paddy J, about the dude that he helped beat up for cutting in line ahead of a woman for the bathroom on the LIRR

"Think of the spot as your penis, and think of your target at the toilet. If you miss the toilet its just a big fucking mess SO DON'T DO IT!"

Paddy J, My Way headset

"Sit and spin, Miss I-Built-It-Backwards!"

Kloos, about some 'tude from Boomer regarding a piece she built... (backwards, coincidently)

"I mean I love women - but I could never do that. I could never go down THERE."

Marcia Madeira, why she isn't a lesbian.

"Yeah... I broke out and played some jazz turkey baster."

Brenden Whiting on .. well... you just have to see it to get it.

"Everybody's Googling black spots and nutsacks!"

Patty J on his college home life.

Scene on Scene...

The fact that this does not seem wierd to those on property is the wierd part.

"I have to carry a dead woman in a casket tomorrow! What do you have to do?? Sit at a computer all day?!?!"

Jose to Spence about not wanting to go to the Chowder. Touche, Good Sir.

When Words Fail.

Yeah, that's a mullet.

"Does anyone know how to spell QUEEF?"

Jelani.

"I haven't pooed yet. I'm kinda worried."

Brian Loesch, in regards to eating KFC last night

"Make that DADDY J.!"

Patty J. on the prospect of making sweeeeeet love to Stephanie Rosenthal's mom.

"I'm not wearing any underwear"

Brendan Whiting, taking the phrase "Rock out with your cock out" toooooo literally

"He would totally play Guitar Hero on her cooter"

Sheena, speaking of Captain Jack Sparrow

"Frolicking? Stop them. Frolicking is not good. Frolicking leads to falling and then I have to take them places."

Erin Kraus-- As she watched children before the show. Quoted at the exact instant she crossed over and became a full-on company manager

"Sleep with him now - before you learn he douses himself in deer urine"

Kelly J. Tighe

"Dammit, Oksana!!!"

Pretty much everyone at some point this week.

" I wanna shove this thing up my ass JUST so I can shit it out."

Spencer on his soon-to-be-defunct cell phone.

"Put me in, Coach!"

Andy Man, upon hearing that Oksana sprained her ankle

"Looks like the neighbors just got Chowdered."

Corey, just after the police stopped by the front porch of the Chowderhouse

"...you mean singing some whiney-my-vagina-hurts-song?"

Brian Loesch in reference to someone warbling at the chowder.

"I just like blew in from the west"

Patrick Herb, referring to Oliver Opening

"Suck-my-dick-electrics-54-GO"

Dominic R.

"You're fucking kidding me. Who made this? Spencer... the video guy? Very talented..."

Oksana Baiul, response to the Act II Montage

"You'd rather be the clever fox that hides quiet in the bushes than the big angry bear that gets shot in the fucking face!"

B. Fahner regarding her recently incarcerated brother

"You know what the skaters skate on? Blades. You know what their blades are made of? Steel. You know what that is, don't you? Sand!"

Anonymously 'clever' electrician's response to Corey's warnings about crap on the ice.

"I think purgatory folks are my type of folks"

Erin Kraus

"And the Summer of Full Disclosure continues...."

KJT about not candy-coating the changeover into My Way

"I think Dennis just snake charmed me"

Brittany Fahner

"Cuntwrap? What is that? A female condom?!"

Aaron Kelley, mishearing the word "crunchwrap"

"You had to whittle on that shit, didn't you, Whore."

Andy Man to KJT about his missing finger.

"And then for the final pose of the show, we all throw up the shocker."

Keith Andrews

"Ah, my favorite figure skating move. They look over their shoulder and there's just tight ass coming right at you."

Jeff Waxman, Musical Director

"Hey Shannon, SHOCKER!"

Keith Andrews, Full Company Run Thru

I would'nt hire ME to work here!!!

PAUL ALLAN

"YOU'RE the chick with the heads on sticks"

Sheena to the new scenic artist.

"Look at me!! I have GREAT tits!"

Oksana B.

It's not ALL maple leaves and moose heads, you know...

K. Andrews

We need a cheesey wipe here...

KJT

This place is friggin vagina central right now!!!

Patty j

"20 cue lights?!!? You only have 10 fingers!"

Patty J

"Erin, go stick your head in a chimney."

Paul Allan